Consumer Goods 8 Predictions About the Future’s Hot Products.

The world of product design is a fascinating one filled with creativity. In the next 20 or so years, consumers can expect to see a few amazing trends and products hitting the marketplace.

Better Tires

By the year 2024, rubber research will have developed to the point that tires are really, really good. The rubber will be chemically treated or something, and the average tire will probably have, like, 500-1000 more miles on it than today’s lackluster offerings. 

 

The year is 2030, and after a brief foray into the world of “drinking directly from the cup like a paleolithic idiot,” the world decided we needed to return to the golden days. No more staining your teeth while drinking cola or cold brew, and no more spilling when all the ice at the bottom of the cup suddenly rushes forward like impassioned soccer fans after either disagreeing with a ref’s call or agreeing with a ref’s call. No sir—straws are back and longer than ever. 

 

Printers just sort of work like they’re supposed to, as long as you refill the ink/toner whenever the little light blinks. 

 

It’s 2031, and straws have begun to decrease in size as society starts going for that sleek, slim, straw look. Some old hands still champion the 8-inch straws of yesteryear, but younger generations are opting for the 6- or 7-inch straws, that are more compact and fit easily into the pockets of their space-jeans.

 

The sun’s harsh rays will dictate immense precision to get a nice base tan without getting burnt or getting melanoma. As such, Victoria-era sensibilities (pale skin, limp wrists, casual incest) will all be back en vogue, and the parasol industry will boom. Some ‘sols (as they’re called in the future) will feature solar-panels and a corresponding USB-13 port on the handle for your Huawei device.

 

After blue pigment is found to be possibly linked to the Super Crohn’s epidemic of 2028, the FDA (now a subsidiary of the NRA) decides to err on the side of caution and ban all blue straws. The ban is enforced with an array of high-capacity assault rifles and an occasional musket (vintage guns are in).

 

In 2045 (the election cycle has shifted slightly due to a clerical error), 70% of GOP constituents accidentally vote for a savvy dem candidate who legally changed his name to “Republican Candidate.” The republicans—ever vigilant—catch on after noticing that the army is now almost 100% composed of vegan soldiers who are hip to critical race theory. Republican is quickly impeached by Cyborg Paul Ryan, speaker of the combination Pizza Hut-House of Representatives.

 

Sure, the dolphin wars of 2046 were trying times, but after the treaty of New Hackensack was signed, we enter a fruitful trade relationship with the dolphins and they share designs for their sub-aquatic, chromium air filtration systems. Now we have cool lil’ submarines.