Company Culture Why the 9-to-5 is an Endangered Species That Must Evolve

The world is changing at a rapid pace, and what was once mere Thought Leadership is slowly becoming Thought Action in today’s ever-evolving marketplace. The revolving door of employment hasn’t only led to the Great Resignation and companies trialing thought-abortions like a 4-day workweek, but now the oldest foundation of the working world is at stake: the 9-to-5 workday.

This iconic staple of worklife is endangered. Wakeup, CEOs! Don’t spit in the face of Dolly Parton who once famously sang, “Cause it's hustlin' time, a whole new way to make a livin” and a whole bunch of other words that probably don’t matter.

The point is, 9-to-5 is the foundation of the hustle and grind game but some are threatening it.

A self-proclaimed “champion of asynchronous work” and company Founder has been publicising their feelings on the 9-to-5 workday as being a “waste [of] people’s time” and claims that offering employees a “work-whenever schedule” has led to 24/7 operations that expand the hiring pool. 

Naming such an individual is like giving notoriety to mass murderers and it would be unethical to provide such a person the attention and publicity they so obviously crave or else risk copycats to mimic such outright dangerous anti-capitalist mindset. 

Innovation is of course needed— nobody denies there are yet undiscovered ways to profit. Rather than giving employees more so-called freedom and flexibility to their hours, employees should have stricter and longer working hours. 

Limiting oneself drives creativity. It’s true, there was a TED talk on it and it is impossible to deny a TED talk. By using basic math, you can replace ‘oneself’ with ‘personal time’ and substitute ‘creativity’ with ‘productivity’ to achieve the same results. ‘Limiting personal time drives productivity’—see? It worked.

If the 9-to-5 is under threat, then let it be to the apex predator known as the ‘9-to-5-then-5-to-9,’ also known as the Infinity Workloop. No more worries about work-life-balance, or whatever socialist rhetoric has been churning up on the TikTok these days. If work is life and life is work, then everyone at the top can profit like they deserve.

Plus, it is already Dolly Parton approved:

“5 to 9, you keep working, working, working

At the end of the day, there should be no end of the day. There should be no week or weekend or any differentiation in time to suggest separation between work and living and anyone who disagrees should be drained of their internal liquids. 

If that husk ain’t hustling then it’s time for a husking!